Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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