you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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