your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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