I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
