my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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