8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize