why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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