just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
