my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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