you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
