theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
