He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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