The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize