it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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