I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
