proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
