How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
