Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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