Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
