so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
