I am puke
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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