yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
