I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I AM VODKA MAN
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
