She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
