as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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