He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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