i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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