I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize