Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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