She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
