My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
