I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
