im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
