That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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