Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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