i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
