You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
