does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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