I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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