Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
