You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize