Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
