I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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