I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
