question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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