addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
