She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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