He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
