don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
