I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
