My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
