no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
