i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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