just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
