Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
