pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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