My hand turned me down
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
