Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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