OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
