I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize