I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
