Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize