I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
