how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
