he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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