some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
