you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize