My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize