I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
