shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
