He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
