I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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