Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
