i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sarcasm needs its own font
Houston, we have a squirter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
